Just take it one moment at a time!

Man today was a hard day, but guess what ? didn't pull one hair.

 Elijah is my 21 year old high functioning autistic son, he is a loving young man that brings joy to everyone he's around, and loves to bring them into his friendship circle. He has grown so much over the years, but today was just one those days where things just were not in line for both mom and Elijah. Elijah has sores in his mouth that hurt, and he's been putting medicine on it and gargling with Listerine. For any one with autism those types of issues are high sensor areas, for us we think. Just move forward and suck it up butter cup, well that's what Keith and I have been doing when it comes to his job, Wanting to teach him young adult behaviors and how to function as a young adult within society. Well, on the way to work Elijah began crying and telling me he is in prison, he doesn't like his job and people are not nice. So what does mom say.... Suck it up butter cup it's life. After dropping Elijah off at work and sitting in the car trying to calm down from the tears and melt down. I began praying how do I as a parent teach him, Failure was of course a point of emotions and frustration that all he wants is to live a life like everyone else. But, he doesn't know how and seems to not get the concept. As I'm praying I get a call from his work, Elijah is so upset he is now dry heaving ( he had a surgery where he can't throw up) and in pain. His boss asked me to sit and wait for him because she didn't think Elijah was going to make it. Behold, 5 minutes go by and Elijah is calling me afraid I'm going to be disappointed and upset that he had to go home sick. Yes the guilt was loaded on even more at that point, and I realized I wasn't listening to Elijah as he spoke, I was assuming he just didn't want to work and pushed him out the door thinking I was teaching him how to be a young adult and work even when your mouth hurts. Not one time did I think about sensory and how what we handle as pain is twice as disrupting for their lives. 

 Elijah all the way home cried about how he just wanted to be normal, and live a normal life like everyone else. He feels like he's placed aside as the kid who can't do anything right, and can't fit in. His prison has become thicker bars that seem unbreakable. He does take the supplement I take for anxiety and for the most part he does great but of course he forgot to take it, and I really don't think it would have mattered because of his mind set and sensory overload. I have friends who have it worse then us with autism, and I pray every day for them as they work with theirs and how we as parents can be a loving support into Adulthood without holding them back from growing. 

My Trich can at times control my life, and I feel alone in the pile of hair ; I understand Elijah from that point of view, it's a hairy sensory mess that I can't get through alone. I praise God my supplements are helping and I haven't pulled a hair in over 2 weeks, but for Elijah it isn't as simple as putting a guard on my fingers, oils on my head or supplements that help with urges. His is a every day struggle trying to figure who he is , and how he fits in within this world as a young adult. We've always pushed Elijah to big and better things working past the autism, but today I think I pushed way to hard. I need to find that line from pushing and causing damage. 

Elijah, I am so proud of you and the man you've become, I know it seems mom and dad push you so hard to grow past the uncomfortable area. Please know that we love you and will always be your biggest fan as you move forward, even with the set backs like today. You are an amazing young man who loves God and wants to share him with everyone, and doesn't understand when people don't believe or want to listen. You get so mad when people say God isn't real or that God can wait, you get into your area of "preaching" letting them know they are wrong and need to ask for forgiveness. =) You amaze me how you can teach me so much about games and computers and scripture that I couldn't understand. You begin talking games and starwars like a pro, and your stories have always been amazing. Dad and I still believe you should write those stories down you could make money off them.You quote scripture word for word, and go to where you know it's found. Bible quizzing has done wonders for you, even those at your IEP said you had  lack of memory to remember things. Believe in yourself, and believe you have so much to offer to everyone around you and everyone else who is to be in your life will follow in step. Don't be afraid to share your faith, no matter what others say. Most of all it's OK to have high sensory overload days, Dad and I are here to help you through them and hopefully lead you into steps that the high sensory overloads get less and less. When dad and I seem to go to far, don't be afraid to say I need you to really listen to me and see me. We want you to succeed in all you do. Grace and Micah are your sounding boards when it seems mom and dad are stressing you out, use them they love you so much believe me they've been through it with mom and dad.  Most of all don't loose who you are in this big world always stay Elijah Bean. LOVE YOU BUD  MOM