Just take it one moment at a time!

Man today was a hard day, but guess what ? didn't pull one hair.

 Elijah is my 21 year old high functioning autistic son, he is a loving young man that brings joy to everyone he's around, and loves to bring them into his friendship circle. He has grown so much over the years, but today was just one those days where things just were not in line for both mom and Elijah. Elijah has sores in his mouth that hurt, and he's been putting medicine on it and gargling with Listerine. For any one with autism those types of issues are high sensor areas, for us we think. Just move forward and suck it up butter cup, well that's what Keith and I have been doing when it comes to his job, Wanting to teach him young adult behaviors and how to function as a young adult within society. Well, on the way to work Elijah began crying and telling me he is in prison, he doesn't like his job and people are not nice. So what does mom say.... Suck it up butter cup it's life. After dropping Elijah off at work and sitting in the car trying to calm down from the tears and melt down. I began praying how do I as a parent teach him, Failure was of course a point of emotions and frustration that all he wants is to live a life like everyone else. But, he doesn't know how and seems to not get the concept. As I'm praying I get a call from his work, Elijah is so upset he is now dry heaving ( he had a surgery where he can't throw up) and in pain. His boss asked me to sit and wait for him because she didn't think Elijah was going to make it. Behold, 5 minutes go by and Elijah is calling me afraid I'm going to be disappointed and upset that he had to go home sick. Yes the guilt was loaded on even more at that point, and I realized I wasn't listening to Elijah as he spoke, I was assuming he just didn't want to work and pushed him out the door thinking I was teaching him how to be a young adult and work even when your mouth hurts. Not one time did I think about sensory and how what we handle as pain is twice as disrupting for their lives. 

 Elijah all the way home cried about how he just wanted to be normal, and live a normal life like everyone else. He feels like he's placed aside as the kid who can't do anything right, and can't fit in. His prison has become thicker bars that seem unbreakable. He does take the supplement I take for anxiety and for the most part he does great but of course he forgot to take it, and I really don't think it would have mattered because of his mind set and sensory overload. I have friends who have it worse then us with autism, and I pray every day for them as they work with theirs and how we as parents can be a loving support into Adulthood without holding them back from growing. 

My Trich can at times control my life, and I feel alone in the pile of hair ; I understand Elijah from that point of view, it's a hairy sensory mess that I can't get through alone. I praise God my supplements are helping and I haven't pulled a hair in over 2 weeks, but for Elijah it isn't as simple as putting a guard on my fingers, oils on my head or supplements that help with urges. His is a every day struggle trying to figure who he is , and how he fits in within this world as a young adult. We've always pushed Elijah to big and better things working past the autism, but today I think I pushed way to hard. I need to find that line from pushing and causing damage. 

Elijah, I am so proud of you and the man you've become, I know it seems mom and dad push you so hard to grow past the uncomfortable area. Please know that we love you and will always be your biggest fan as you move forward, even with the set backs like today. You are an amazing young man who loves God and wants to share him with everyone, and doesn't understand when people don't believe or want to listen. You get so mad when people say God isn't real or that God can wait, you get into your area of "preaching" letting them know they are wrong and need to ask for forgiveness. =) You amaze me how you can teach me so much about games and computers and scripture that I couldn't understand. You begin talking games and starwars like a pro, and your stories have always been amazing. Dad and I still believe you should write those stories down you could make money off them.You quote scripture word for word, and go to where you know it's found. Bible quizzing has done wonders for you, even those at your IEP said you had  lack of memory to remember things. Believe in yourself, and believe you have so much to offer to everyone around you and everyone else who is to be in your life will follow in step. Don't be afraid to share your faith, no matter what others say. Most of all it's OK to have high sensory overload days, Dad and I are here to help you through them and hopefully lead you into steps that the high sensory overloads get less and less. When dad and I seem to go to far, don't be afraid to say I need you to really listen to me and see me. We want you to succeed in all you do. Grace and Micah are your sounding boards when it seems mom and dad are stressing you out, use them they love you so much believe me they've been through it with mom and dad.  Most of all don't loose who you are in this big world always stay Elijah Bean. LOVE YOU BUD  MOM

We are not alone, We have each other

If you want information please use the contact form at the bottom of the blog. 

Increasingly Domestic:I have Trichotillomania

Great Blog on Trich, dealing with it as a women and spiritually staying grounded while coping with Trich.

Grace and Faith.. Overcoming Trich...

   OK I did it! I ordered my journal on Amazon today. I am excited to receive it and to see what it holds. I will be talking about it as I go through the journal myself. I love how the writer placed God in the front of the situation, and how we can walk through our steps with him in peace.
    I've been doing pretty good today, no pulling and staying busy with starting a business that I am completely sold on, when it comes to health and wellness. I haven't gotten off my regular anxiety medication, I use the product to give me the boost I need through the day. Then take the regular dose at night. I can get through each day with a positive out look; for example. My husband normally comes home on Wednesdays and is home for six days. I received a call yesterday from Keith, asking me if it would be OK if he took an extra trip from another company. The money would help, and we need that help right now as I start my business so crying I said yes. I miss Keith when he's gone, and I'm lonely when he isn't here. I had my crying spell for about ten minutes and moved forward with my life, instead of hiding in depression and anxiety. I was able to think my way through without one hair being pulled, and continuing with life.
 I have to share my morning scripture from today, I've been reading through Psalms. Psalms 16:7-10a
" I will praise the Lord who counsels me, even at night my conscience instructs me. I keep the Lord in mind always. Because He is at my right hand I will not be shaken. Therefore my heart is glad and my spirit rejoices; My body rest securely, For you will not abandon me."  Katy's translation " I will praise the Lord who keeps me in line, and accountable, even at night when I want to pull my hair he instructs me to stop! I continually hear the Lord telling me to STOP! The Lord has my right hand that I pull with and I rest knowing he securely has it in his hands. I am glad and feel loved because I know you Lord are with me and I'm not alone in this hairy situation. "  See God's got me, and I don't have to let Trich control me any longer. Yes, I take med's to keep my anxiety at bay, and I take a wonderful product that puts the finishing touches on my anxiety but I know God's got me in his hands while I figure this thing called life out. Without my product and God I wouldn't have been able to get through yesterday as well as I did, I would have had a bigger hole in my hair and my poor son wondering if mom had lost her mind. I saved my hair and my sons sanity. so it all makes for a good day.
  With my product I'm able to see where and what I'm doing with clarity. I'm able to cope with things around me when it seems over whelming . so Keith fly and know I am fine, I'm still crazy but I've always been and I will be here when you return home on Saturday, or Sunday, or...... when the plane lands. =).  If you would like information on the product I use please use the contact me below the blog and I will quickly answer the questions you may have, with my friends help of course who's been doing the business longer than me.

Trichotillomania each new day, a new me.: Trich no more

Trichotillomania each new day, a new me.: Trich no more: This is my first blog on Trichotillomania, if you don't know what Trich is; for me it is caused by anxiety and stress from tr...

Trich no more

This is my first blog on Trichotillomania, if you don't know what Trich is; for me it is caused by anxiety and stress from trauma throughout my life,and not finding a healthy way to cope with all of the issues. I've had loss and loneliness along with health issues and autism with my sons. I'm a Army wife that went through 8 different deployments from a few months long, to 15 months. I've hidden from the news reports while my husband has been deployed, I've hidden from public, I've tried staying to myself. It never worked!. I needed to find a way to cope with the hairy monster that seemed to control every area of my life. 

I began pulling so much I had baled spots and I looked like a old man with no hair. I covered up with bandannas, hats and wigs; but none of it truly helped with the situation at hand, my hair pulling. 

My kids see it as normal, but what is normal now? there is no set normal within  the American culture. My biggest memory was when I lost my wig, I couldn't find it so I ran around my house screaming I've been scalped and I can't find my hair. Or when I would get out of the shower or just in the car driving with the kids start singing " No Hair for my hairbrush" from veggie tales. I found ways to help my kids cope, but was I really coping? I would leave the house, put my hat or wig on and paint a smile on my face. I was actually crying inside because I wanted hair like the beautiful lady next to me at the store, or walking by the beauty shop and dream of going in to get my hair styled and cut like a normal lady. I was playing the all's fine part really well, but inside I was screaming help me. 

 Ten years ago I started on Zoloft in hopes that it would help with the hair pulling, it helped with the anxiety but the hair pulling continued. Board om equaled hair-pulling, watching T.V. equaled hair-pulling, driving a car equaled hair pulling and even my Alabama or Denver Football meant hair-pulling. I sat in a pile of hair frustrated, sad and alone. 

About two years ago I started a product my husband was trying and figured what could it hurt, I mean I have no hair left. So at first I didn't see a change, but the more I took it the bigger the change. Two weeks after I started there was a big difference in the hair pulling, it didn't completely stop but I was more aware and more in control. My hair is still growing back from the years of pulling, and some days I have to really stop myself before pulling. I still shave my head so that my hair can have a chance to grow in without being messed with, but it's growing in thicker and there is some light at the end of this hairless tunnel. 

I started this blog to bring others along in my journey as I walk through the pull free journey. I truly believe in this supplement I take with the Zoloft because I've seen the difference and I don't want to keep it to myself. 

If you would like more Information on the supplement send me a message and I will begin showing you what I've done that helps me. With Trich we can't do this alone, we must be there for each other through internet or physical, either way we must hold each other accountable for the good days and the bad hairy days. Just remember you are not alone!